The Notebooks

Three years ago, I tried something new and began to carry around a notebook in my back pocket.

This turned out to be more significant than one would think (I have received more comments about carrying my passport around than an international student at the liquor store). Since that first day, I haven’t gone without one. It actually stresses me out not having a pen with me. In the beginning, the notebooks (how I eventually found myself referring to them) were more about dreams than anything. But they evolved into a means by which to organize my life. I began to realize how many thoughts and ideas I would have that were simply lost to time. I just couldn’t remember a line of poetry, or the name of a character for more than a few minutes. In hindsight, I’m not even sure I had any ideas before the notebooks. I can’t remember most of them.

Aside // So I’ve derailed my train of thought (the idea that I would write some sort of introduction to this blog [the thought of saying “I’m starting a blog” makes me cringe] in some interesting way. Get a good hook. Ooh, I’ll tell a story about the notebooks.) and I’m just going to be completely honest about what I’m thinking currently, because I feel like it serves as a decent picture of what the content of these notes will be, and therefore allow readers to decide whether or not they are a new audience member. But basically, by saying I’m not sure I had any ideas, due to the fact that I can’t remember them (the subtext being, without any data proving the existence of pre-notebook thought, there can be no pre-notebook thought) is a very silly thing to say. Now, when you’re talking about the theory of theories, you’re referring to meta-theory (I love meta humor, so you’d think I’d be more interested in meta-theory than I am. But here we are). One particularly dominant meta-theory is something called post-positivism (forget about positivism, we’re going straight to post). Post-positivist theory (research theories in general, really) is composed of several components: ontology (what is knowable), axiology (researcher’s bias/what is valuable to the researcher), epistemology (how we know stuff). Basically, you could fudge it a little, and instead of using it in a research context, you could use it in a real people context (because that’s way more interesting and important), and instead of calling it a research theory, you could call it a worldview of sorts. Now this worldview believes that objective truth can only be found through use of the scientific method- an idea which I have recently fallen out of love with (I’ll have to write more about this). So when I was trying to write a silly intro, and I write about not believing something exists because I don’t have any empirical data for it; I feel like I’m flip flopping. Which I am, and I will, and I always will most likely. This is sort of precisely why I think the idea of a “blog” is useless- I change my mind too much. I’m still a student, I’m still learning everything (Oh, but Wes! You’ll always be a student!), and the idea of spitting subjective opinions into a public time capsule doesn’t seem appealing. But I understand why it would be neat. So, I’m swallowing my pride, and I’m going to see how far I can go with this. Honestly, my goal is consistency. For my sake. Presently. I like the idea of forcing myself to develop new habits, so maybe this can be one of them. \\ End Aside

These notebooks mean a lot to me because thoughts mean a lot to me. And the reason I like notes is because they aren’t really complete, just how I am not really complete either. It’s hard to develop a systematic worldview while also being self critical. So these are the little pieces and notes of that journey (a systematic worldview is not necessarily my goal, so “journey” should be taken more as a figure of speech), and I hope that they maybe cause you to ask one more question than you would have otherwise.



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